Sexy men learn to dance

I look back at all my ex-girlfriends and any of them could be cast in a movie. Most of them are still my friends, one dropped out of touch when I moved. We were on good terms though and if she washed up in my current neck of the woods we'd probably get together again.

So how did this happen? What makes beautiful women go for a guy who's not only short, crippled and weird but usually dead broke too. I never took them out on dates to restaurants or things like that. Never had the money for it. We'd do things together that were free like going to free concerts or rambling around in Jackson Square when I lived in the French Quarter. Money didn't even come into it.

Yet throughout my life so many men think that money is the number one thing that makes a guy sexy.

I had none. It didn't even slow me down. It doesn't for other successfully sexy men either.

They got part of it right in the Dos Equis commercial about "the most interesting man in the world." Notice that he's actually doing interesting things -- traveling, martial arts, extreme sports. He's also intelligent. His particular macho image comes a little closer to reality by accident than some of the others because he does not come off like he's a butterfingers in a formal situation.

He comes off like he'd enjoy dancing and have the nerve to ask a lady to dance.

This is one big gender-gap in current custom. Guys that like dancing are rare. Only guys that like dancing get good at it, that's a given. It's like any other human activity or hobby. The more you do it, the more skilled you are.

Women really love dance. Dancing is sexy. Dance is a way to show off your intent and express your sexuality. Dance goes right to the heart of sexiness, it's there all through the avian world and the animal kingdom.

Yet human males looking for females don't get it about this.

I dance. I can dance easier than I can walk, because dance includes varied and nonrepetitive motion. If my back catches me, I shift my balance and use a move that relieves the stress. If I have to go down, I do floor moves for a few beats. I dance best to slow music and it's a hard thing to accept that my health has gotten so bad that I can't manage a whole song any more.

But I'm building my strength up and may be able to dance again someday. When I do, that's probably when I'll find another girlfriend. She'll be a beauty too. The number of beautiful women who love dancing whether it's at parties, clubs, dance halls or folk dancing events is always a lot greater than the number of guys willing to take a chance on going out on the floor.

The thing is, you don't even have to be good at it at first. Just willing. Most women who love dancing are aware they may have to teach their partners. They've put up with the dance gap ever since high school and just finding a bloke who's willing to learn is a vast improvement over standing watching everyone dance and feeling left out.

So don't be shy about asking women to dance.

Learn the type of dancing that fits your life and subcultures. I mostly do freeform rock dancing, a lot of it based on jazz dance because the jazz dance moves are among the things that let me do it. But you might be part of a group or subculture that has its own dance style. Get into the type of dance that appeals most to you and fits with who you are.

Then be real and honest with yourself and the lady.

Catching her interest also means being an interesting man. This means don't be shy about the things that are important to you in life. Go ahead and share your hobbies. Chances are, there are some of them she wants to take up too. Look for women who share your real interests and you won't be stuck with a decorative beauty on your arm who's bored because everything you do is something she has no interest in.

Medieval recreation and Renaissance Faires take a different type of dancing, medieval dance. These suited me great because there's a lot of slow music and bending and stretching. I loved that -- and when you get into something like that, you will meet beautiful women who share that interest. They'll get creative and help you dress well, they may even make you garb.

Be appreciative of the lady's talents and skills.

Whether it's at a Renaissance Faire complimenting her costume or outside that context just telling her that her hair looks cool that way, beautiful women are performance artists. Like all artists, they love applause and appreciation. When that's knowledgeable appreciation like "That color brings out your complexion and makes you look gorgeous" or "I like what you did with your makeup, it's very subtle and it makes your eyes look interesting" then you're showing them that you're aware of all the work that goes into female beauty.

It can also get you around that dreaded "Does this make me look fat?" question when they're choosing clothes. Educating yourself a bit on fashion and artistic design principles will help you make a more specific answer to each of the alternatives. "The blue dress makes you look thin but washes out your complexion. The red dress is just the right shade for your skin and the fluffy skirt makes your waist look smaller in relation to your hips -- everyone can see that's a puff of fabric, it's not going to make your hips look fat."

Or if it does, there's tactful ways to say that. "I can see why you liked this one but the way it's cut, it pulls across your hips wrong." That is not "you're fat" to depress her, it's the real feedback she wants about the garment but it also means you're looking at her as a sexy woman rather than judging her as "fat and ugly."

Fat isn't ugly, as most of you guys probably know. There are thin ugly women and fat sexy women. The fat sexy women tend to move like goddesses, they often wear corsets to show off their gorgeous large breasts, they dress sexy and act with confidence. One look at the sexy type of fat lady and all you can think about is going to bed with her. Think of Queen Latifah.

But women judge each other viciously on appearance and weight. So if you're attracted to an oversize darling, don't rub it in that she's big, mostly focus your appreciation on the cool things she does to present herself. She knows.

Always, always mention it though if a woman is losing weight and you notice that.

Listen to the women you're interested in.

That is the sexiest thing a man can do. Show off that you're intelligent and articulate with a few good interesting hooks and then ask her about her interests. Mean it. Draw her out. Get her talking about her novel or her music or her art.

You see, all the women I've dated were not only head-turning beauties (oddly enough I never went out with one of the heavy sexy ones, just appreciate them). All of my former girlfriends and casual romances were also brilliant, intelligent women who had interests beyond being sexy. They had ambitions in the arts or in science.

They are strong people with their own opinions on everything under the sun and will passionately express that in many ways. So be prepared to give her your time and attention when you're chasing a lady with a brain. She does want to know that you appreciate her works of genius. That's water in the desert to anyone who's facing the rocky climb to success in the arts.

Most people are brutally critical of anyone even thinking of trying to become an artist, a novelist or musician. Women are as capable of these things as men are and there's no difference in inherent capacity. They're also held down even more than men are by public attitudes treating their works as trivial.

When you're the man who listens to her tell the plot of her novel, you become the most interesting man in the world. You're looking at all of her, not just the surface. You're appreciating her for everything about her. She can't resist being known, understood and still appreciated.

To me women who write novels, paint, make music or do other creative activity are sexier. You can see this in what they wear and how they move. They pay attention to reality in ways that cut right past stereotypes. They're bolder, more likely to dare wear a fetish garter or overdone sexy-shoes in public. They're more confident and assertive, also more likely to be honest with you than the ones who don't say a thing about themselves while worshipfully supporting everything you say.

If they're lying to you to make you feel better, they'll get mad and turn that inside out to lie to you to break your heart later. I try to avoid deceptive women. I'd rather find the ones I can trust to keep good communications. Do you want to find out later in the relationship that she actually can't stand it when you take time to work on your novel? Or are you better off with a novelist who also needs a bit of solitude sometimes to get some pages done?

Finding women who share your habits, your goals, your lifestyle is important to getting along with her after you catch her. So don't neglect that. It's why by and large I tend to romance friends after knowing them for a while instead of just picking out beauties on their looks and chasing like crazy with no idea if she's a control freak or a manipulator.

Maybe if I'd had money and an abled physique, I might have tried conventional dating. Certainly holding a job would've given me the funding for it. Still, in the long run. it's easier to meet a beauty when she's focused on the things she's interested in. Finding lovers in affinity groups is a way to make sure that eight months down the road, there's still something both of you enjoy doing together.

So being sexy is most of all a state of mind. Be aware women may be attractive and flirt with the ones that are flirting with you. Then ask her to dance.